I am a total sucker for self help books. I love trying to improve and optimise my life. I’ve even written one myself (and a newsletter series about living more adventurously).

There are a few problems though:

• Sometimes I binge on reading self help books rather than actually taking the steps I already know I ought to take with my life.
• Sometimes you read the right self help book at the right time in your life. And it’s brilliant. But if you read the right book at the wrong time (or vice versa) then there is nothing there except vacuous cliché and an irritation that you’re wasting your time. (See the furious review of my own book describing it as ‘THE WORST BOOK EVER‘ 😂)
• Often a self help book has a brilliant message but it could easily be conveyed in a single page, paragraph or sentence. A whole book becomes tedious overkill.

Yet I can’t dismiss the entire genre as I have learned so much from books that has helped me enormously in my life. I’ve built up over time a series of habits, routines, priorities and values that come from reading these books. You just have to rummage through an awful lot of haystacks to find the few helpful needles which really benefit you.

So I had the idea of asking people for the nuggets of self help wisdom that have made a big and actionable difference in your life.

• What single piece of advice have you taken action on – perhaps after reading dozens of books on a topic? Please scroll down for the results…

I have read load of books about food and healthy eating. You could spend all day worrying about that. Or you can summarise it all down to:

• Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

I have read so much stuff about exercise and sleep and willpower. And I’ve boiled them down to a few points that I stand by:

• The secret to waking up early / not being tired etc is to just go to bed early.
• If I don’t have biscuits in the cupboard, there’s no struggle.
• If I make exercise a compulsory and scheduled part of my day, there’s no drama with trying to fit it in or not being in the mood.

And so on!

For example, I have read a lot of books on Stoicism and find it very helpful. But rather than directing you to that entire genre, I’ve distilled everything helpful I have read down to a few nuggets that I try to remind myself of often:

1. Imagine losing the things you value in order to remind yourself to be grateful for them. (Negative visualisation is the Stoic phrase, but Julia Donaldson also nails it in A Squash and a Squeeze!)
2. Imagine never having possessed something you’ve lost, which helps you appreciate the time you did have with it and cultivates gratitude for the experiences and lessons gained rather than feeling regretful that you’ve lost something (aka Retrospective negative visualization)
3. Imagine that the bad things that happen to you have happened to someone else. How would you feel about them then? Great for getting perspective when someone pulls out in front of you in traffic! (Projective visualisation)
4. There are a few things we have complete control over and many things we have no control over. Only worry about the first. This is a biggy! (Dichotomy of control)
5. Focus on feeling rewarded by your internal values and goals, rather than pursuing external validation and ever-receding finish lines. (Internalise your goals)

Similarly, I found The Happiness Trap to be a helpful book. I’ve taken just three points from it that I try to remember regularly:

1. Accept your thoughts (rather than trying to push them away)
2. Connect with your values that are important
3. Take action on your values rather than the stream of negative thoughts that run through your head

What about you? What single piece of advice have you taken action on – perhaps after reading dozens of books on a topic? It could be a routine, a technique, or a viewpoint. I asked you guys in an online form, and here are your suggestions. Thank you so much if you contributed.

If you had to offer someone a single piece of advice that would really improve their life, what would it be?

• “In all of us, there is a marrow-deep hunger to know our heritage—to understand who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there remains a hollow yearning. No matter our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, and the most disquieting loneliness.” – Alex Haley, author of Roots: The Saga of an American Family.
• “Look for beauty.” I can’t recall where I first heard it, but in any circumstance, seek beauty. You’ll find it, and it will calm you.
• “Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because they’ll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we’ve lived. After all, Number One, we’re only mortal.” – Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
• “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
• “We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castaneda.
• You don’t have to be the best or the fastest, as long as you reach YOUR finish line.
• Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day, I walk myself into a state of well-being and away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. – Søren Kierkegaard.
• Ask for advice, and feel free to ignore it.
• Consider what your 15-year-old self would think of what you’re doing now.
• Be grateful for each day.
• Be kind. You don’t know what sort of day everyone else is having.
• Be true to who you are.
• “Death’s not sad if one has lived.” – D.H. Lawrence.
• Do what you love, and love what you do.
• Don’t be afraid to go against the mainstream.
• Don’t overthink; just follow what pulls at you.
• Don’t regret not doing this.
• Dust if you must, but remember, there’s not much time. With rivers to swim and mountains to climb; music to hear and books to read; friends to cherish and life to lead. – Part of a poem from Rose Milligan.
• Enjoy the journey; don’t put everything off until you reach the destination.
• Everything will pass, even the bad times. Look for something positive every day, even if it’s just a sight of a lovely tree or a nice cup of coffee.
• Find something that you can get passionate about. It can be one thing or many things, anything from football to knitting, running to reading. Put your whole self into it, and it will sustain you for life.
• “Fuck it, that’ll do!”
• Go for a run.
• Go gently.
• Go where the doors are open. Move away from the ones that stay shut. – Michael Patrick King.
• Establish habits, particularly exercise, to remove the ability to opt out. Just start, begin—you’ll never be truly ready.
• If you ever get lost, buy an ice cream.
• Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.
• “It will all be OK in the end. If it is not yet OK, it is not yet the end.” – The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
• It’ll all work out in the end.
• It’s better to regret doing something than regret not doing it.
• Just say no if you don’t want to do something. It’s your life to live as you please.
• Keep trying.
• Know thyself.
• Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. – Doctor Who.
• Lead with kindness (to yourself, to others).
• Love and be kind to yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself.
• Never let others define your purpose in life.
• No one ever wished they’d spent more time at the office.
• We don’t find meaning; we have to create it.
• Not everyone will like you, and that’s fine. You won’t like everyone either.
• Nothing lasts forever.
• Pick three areas of your life that make it worth living for you. Prioritize them ruthlessly.
• Really try to treat others the way you’d like to be treated.
• Remove anger from your life. Accept all situations and find peace in every moment.
• Simply pay attention.
• Spend more time with the people you love, and make sure you tell them.
• Start walking.
• Start, begin, take the first step. Don’t overplan; people are generally helpful.
• Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking action.
• “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill.
• Take a moment to be in the present and gain perspective. Don’t base decisions or feelings on what you think will happen; instead, respond to what’s happening right now.
• Take more risks.
• You don’t need to monetize or document your hobbies online. Just enjoy them and be happy.
• The sooner you can laugh at yourself or your situation, the happier and more resilient you will become.
• There is no standard timeline or framework for how to “do life.” Instead, each person has a unique and individual purpose that can only be found in the quiet of solitude.
• Tread lightly.
• Trust your instincts.
• Turn off the internet on your phone and go outside. We don’t go outside often enough for non-commutable reasons.
• Wake up early.
• When you have the opportunity to do something good for yourself or others, go for it, because you might not get a second chance.
• Where possible, say thank you instead of sorry.
• Ask yourself: Will it matter tomorrow, in a month, in a year, or in a decade?
• Would your younger self be proud of what you’re doing (or your children)?
• You are the only person who truly knows what makes you happy. Don’t live your life trying to please others.

What self help book has helped you the most?

– *Dance with Life* by Susan Jeffers
– *Doorstep Mile* by Alastair Humphreys
– *End the Struggle* by Susan Jeffers
– *Growth Mindset Book*
– *Jonathan Livingston Seagull* by Richard Bach
– *Killer of Men* series by Christian Cameron
– *Man’s Search for Meaning* by Viktor Frankl
– *My Side of the Mountain* by Jean George
– *The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People* by Stephen Covey
– *The Curse of the Strong*
– *The Happiness Project* by Gretchen Rubin
– *The Happiness Trap*
– *The Miracle of Mindfulness*
– *What My Bones Know* by Stephanie Foo
– *Wild* by Cheryl Strayed

What health and fitness tip would you recommend?

– Aim for five servings of vegetables and two of fruit per day, focusing on simple foods and keeping biscuits out of the house.
– Engage in daily movement and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to take a break! If a 5k run seems daunting, start with 1k or allow yourself to walk parts of it. You’re likely to continue once you’ve started.
– Take deep breaths in and out, especially when you’re feeling stressed.
– Do something active and outdoors every day.
– Pursue activities you enjoy and avoid comparing yourself to others.
– Move in ways that you find enjoyable, regardless of specific exercise prescriptions. Movement burns calories, so focus on staying active.
– Avoid drinking beverages that are artificially blue.
– Resist indulging a sweet tooth excessively, as cravings can intensify.
– Drink a glass of water for every cup of coffee consumed to maintain hydration balance.
– Incorporate water and fruit into your breakfast routine.
– Eat fruit as part of your meals, such as dessert, rather than only as snacks.
– Consume a diet rich in vegetables and fruits to enhance health.
– Prioritize eating real food, in moderation, and primarily plant-based.
– Combine endurance with strength training to prevent injury and improve fitness.
– Acknowledge that every step counts. Consistently adding more distance will lead to significant progress.
– Practice moderation and choose whole ingredients for a balanced diet.
– Make exercise a daily habit, regardless of the scale.
– Find a form of exercise that genuinely brings you joy for easier adherence.
– Consider physically demanding jobs or activities, especially before you have the option to drive, encouraging cycling or walking.
– Use an e-bike for local travel as a more enjoyable alternative to driving.
– Proceed at your own pace and listen to your body’s cues.
– Adopt healthy eating habits to silence any negative internal voices.
– Organize food nights around healthy categories, like pasta and vegetable sauce night.
– Maintain a balanced exercise regimen that includes more than just running.
– Cultivate a healthy mind alongside a healthy body for overall well-being.
– If running becomes unenjoyable, slow down and adjust as needed.
– Address health concerns early to prevent more serious issues.
– Let your preferences for healthy food guide your lifestyle choices, informed by observations of unhealthy patterns in others.
– Allow for occasional indulgences, like eating an entire pizza, without associating food with guilt.
– Balance training with adequate rest to support recovery and performance.
– Embrace the motto “Just Fucking Do It” to overcome inertia.
– Stay active to promote health and well-being.
– Learn to cook from scratch to avoid processed foods and take control of your nutrition.
– Pay attention to your body’s signals and adapt your activities accordingly.
– Seek out quiet moments and move simply for the joy of movement, embracing our natural inclinations.
– Treat a bad day as a temporary setback and return to your routine with renewed commitment the next day.
– Incorporate running and yoga into your routine for varied physical engagement.
– Recognize that slow progress is still forward movement.
– Explore different forms of exercise to find what you truly enjoy, rather than forcing yourself into activities you dislike.
– Start with small, manageable goals and maintain consistency for lasting change.
– Shift away from consuming industrial meat towards eating more legumes for health and environmental benefits.
– Quit smoking and reflect on the positive health impact of this decision.
– Take rest days as needed to ensure proper recovery and prevent burnout.

What career advice would you offer?

– “Never for money, always for love” — from “This Must Be the Place” by Talking Heads (though money can also be a motivator).
– Ask others for help and an honest opinion.
– Be bold and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
– Be honest and vulnerable; nobody wants to follow a liar.
– Set big goals, middle-sized goals, and daily goals.
– “Box” areas of your life (e.g., work stuff stays at work, home stuff stays at home).
– Choose the crazy opportunities and explore unconventional paths.
– Maintain clean accounts.
– Cut the crap and just do the work.
– Do what you love. For example, leaving a higher-paying job for a lower-paying job you love can significantly improve your well-being.
– Honor your personal integrity in your work.
– Do your work well, and recognition will follow.
– Don’t be inconsiderate. Specifically, for leading bike rides: always wait for the last person to arrive at a rest stop before setting off again.
– Don’t take your emotions to work.
– “Early to bed and early to rise” — there’s a reason why it’s a cliché.
– “Eat the frog” every day (tackle your biggest, most challenging task first).
– Endeavor to always be your own boss so that your work aligns with your priorities and interests.
– Find your purpose and unique value.
– Find something you enjoy doing. If it makes you unwell, don’t hesitate to change tracks.
– Focus on doing one thing every day that moves you closer to your big goals.
– Pursue education, as it’s essential in today’s world to have qualifications that allow you to do what you do.
– “Get out of your own way” — advice from a creative writing tutor that encourages taking risks and sharing your work.
– Care about your work. If you find yourself not caring, consider it a signal to contemplate changes.
– It is never too late to learn something new or start a new career.
– Maintain perspective: no job is more important than your health, happiness, or family time.
– Make tough decisions promptly.
– Understand that men might pursue opportunities even when they know less and still charge more. Don’t be afraid to do the same and value your work appropriately.
– Empathize with others, remembering your own journey.
– Speak up and make your voice heard.
– Embrace that “good enough” can be positive and means a piece of work or teaching achieves its aims.
– Remember, the only people who will remember your late nights of work are your children.
– There are no menial tasks, only menial attitudes.
– With purpose, productivity follows naturally.
– Work hard and help others.
– Prioritize what’s important and tackle those tasks first.
– Work with people you enjoy and strive to do right by them, understanding the nuances of this can take years to learn.
– Acknowledge your limitations, such as time management, and seek help when needed.
– Understand that you don’t control time; it governs you.

Goal setting and achievement

– Aim a bit higher to challenge yourself and expand your capabilities.
– Don’t get stuck in indecision. Make a decision and go for it. Accept that things will change along the way, but the main goal is to get started.
– Set goals in multiple areas of your life, incorporating a mix of big/small and short/long-term goals. This approach ensures you’re always close to achieving something and always contributing to something bigger.
– If you’re committed to doing something, share your plans with others. This can create a sense of accountability and support.
– Adopt loose goals and remain flexible. The current discourse around goal-setting suggests rewarding the systems or actions taken toward goals, rather than focusing solely on the end result. Reward yourself for starting and doing.
– Set goals and review them regularly. Small steps are crucial for gradually working towards larger objectives.
– Write down where you want to be in 5 years, then identify and plan the steps necessary to achieve this vision.

Financial planning advice

– Always have some rainy day money in your bank account for unexpected expenses.
– Ask questions about finance. It’s a field women often don’t discuss much, but there’s a keen interest once the conversation starts. Investing is accessible to everyone, and there’s a lot to learn.
– Be honest with yourself about what you want versus what you need.
– Follow the ‘Bogleheads’ investment philosophy:
1. Live below your means.
2. Invest early and often.
3. Never bear too much or too little risk.
4. Diversify your investments.
5. Avoid trying to time the market.
6. Use index funds when possible.
7. Keep investment costs low.
8. Minimize taxes.
9. Invest with simplicity.
10. Stay the course.
– Buy a house as early as you can to start building equity.
– Focus on buying assets, not liabilities.
– Before purchasing, ask yourself if you need the item and if it needs to be new.
– Funnel as much income as possible into savings or a different account. This strategy can help you manage spending by making you think you have less available than you actually do.
– Invest in global index funds for diversified exposure to the global market.
– Invest in products that will appreciate over time, such as your home, shares, and retirement funds. However, ensure it doesn’t prevent you from enjoying life; seek more affordable alternatives that still bring you joy and purpose.
– Live simply to avoid unnecessary expenses and complications.
– Live within your means, a lesson exemplified by watching a single parent prioritize important financial obligations over personal luxuries.
– Understand that the value of money is not static; experiences of being broke and financially secure can offer valuable lessons.
– Remember, money isn’t valuable until it’s used. Focus on what you want the money for and how you plan to use it, rather than the amount you have.
– Overpay on your mortgage to achieve financial freedom sooner.
– Plan your finances early and review them regularly, but not excessively. Adequate planning can prevent future financial difficulties.
– Educate yourself on financial principles by reading resources like Bogleheads.
– Spend less than you earn and resist lifestyle inflation. Avoid unnecessary upgrades and purchases.
– Aim to spend less than you earn to enable an early retirement.
– Start investing early but only with money you can afford to lose.
– Begin saving at a young age, even if the amounts are small, to build a financial foundation.
– Adopt the three buckets principle by saving for short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals.
– Learn about compound interest and focus on investments that offer growth potential.
– Be patient and wait until payday to make purchases, avoiding unnecessary debt.
– Realize you may not need as much money as you think to live a fulfilling life.

Advice on living more ‘greenly’

– Recognize that a singular action or inaction matters.
– Aim to incrementally eat less meat and fewer animal products, making the transition easier than abruptly going vegan.
– Tread as lightly as possible on the earth, using this principle as a mantra for any purchase or action.
– Before discarding, ask yourself: “Do I really need this? Can it be repaired?” Consider where your trash ends up, which can influence your decisions on throwing items away.
– Do what you can; perfection is not necessary. It’s better to make 100 imperfect attempts at being eco-friendly than striving to be one perfect green individual.
– Focus on a plant-based diet.
– Use an e-bike for local journeys to reduce carbon emissions.
– Opt for public transportation like buses or trains whenever possible.
– Grow your own produce to save money, reduce waste, and enjoy the dual pleasures of gardening and cooking with homegrown ingredients.
– Homegrown produce offers the benefits of no food miles, no packaging, and compostable waste, along with being organic.
– Reevaluate your needs frequently; you probably don’t need as much as you think.
– Understand that just because something isn’t your fault, it doesn’t absolve you of responsibility.
– Experiment with a minimalist lifestyle for its simplicity, cost-effectiveness, and overall benefits.
– Adhere to the principle of “leave no trace” to minimize your environmental footprint.
– Live beneath your means and avoid overconsumption.
– Embrace simplicity in your lifestyle; it’s straightforward and beneficial.
– Let a limited income guide you toward questioning the necessity of purchases.
– Acknowledge that small changes can have significant impacts.
– Prioritize the “Refuse” in the mantra “Refuse, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle,” understanding that these actions are listed in order of their environmental impact, with recycling as the last resort.
– Remember, there is no backup Earth; treat this one with care and respect.

Advice on Minimalism and simplifying life

– Declutter daily to maintain a tidy and manageable living space.
– Focus on defining your values and determining what you need, not what you want, to avoid unnecessary accumulation.
– Remember that everything you own requires some level of care and maintenance.
– For items you’re hesitant to discard, place them in a sealed box in a storage area for 6 months. If you haven’t missed the items or can’t remember what’s in the box, you have your proof that it’s okay to let them go.
– Understand that accumulating more stuff does not equate to happiness. Build a functional base of belongings and be comfortable with not having the latest or most coordinated items.
– Start the decluttering process with small steps, like emptying or disposing of just one box of stuff to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
– Embrace simplicity as a guiding principle in all aspects of life, as suggested by Satish Kumar.
– Recognize that clothes do not necessarily need to be washed after every use, which can save time, resources, and extend the life of your garments.

 Digital detox and managing technology use

– Prioritize being present with people, spending time in nature, and engaging with your children. Make a habit of putting your phone down at the end of the day to focus on these connections.
– Cultivate a variety of real-life interests that don’t involve screen time.
– Aim to leave your phone at the door when you arrive home to encourage disconnection from digital distractions, even if it’s challenging to implement in practice.
– Keep phones and other electronic devices out of the bedroom and turn off notifications as soon as you leave work to create a more peaceful environment.
– Use timers on apps and consider a box system to minimize phone usage, helping to manage and reduce screen time effectively.

Habit formation and breaking

– Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and use them as stepping stones for further progress.
– Cold showers can be invigorating and empowering. Embrace the discomfort as a challenge and a method for growth.
– Stay committed to your plans, regardless of others’ opinions or discouragement.
– When adopting a new habit or resolution, start slowly rather than aiming for immediate perfection. Set a future date by which you aim to be fully engaged in your new habit.
– Allow a month for a new habit to integrate into your routine, focusing on one change at a time to ensure it sticks.
– Opt for smaller, incremental habit changes, stacking one small habit on top of another once each has been established, rather than overhauling your lifestyle all at once.
– Automate habits for tasks you prefer not to spend much energy on, freeing up mental space for more spontaneous and adventurous activities.
– Keep reminding yourself of your motivations and reasons for wanting to change, especially when progress feels slow or difficult.
– Understand that failure is part of the process. If you don’t succeed one day, simply try again the next.
– Be aware that not everyone will support your journey to better habits. Those who resist or undermine your positive changes may not have your best interests at heart.
– Motivate yourself by tracking your progress and finding creative ways to make challenging tasks enjoyable.

Gratitude and Mental Health

– Appreciate your relationships and cherish the time spent with loved ones.
– Regularly ask yourself what you want, independently of others’ expectations.
– Remain open-minded and receptive to new ideas and perspectives.
– Cultivate gratitude for the everyday moments and small joys in life.
– Practice kindness towards yourself; it’s essential for well-being.
– Being nice fosters reciprocal kindness; navigate social interactions with positivity.
– Value financial security, friendship, nature, and adventure as core aspects of a fulfilling life.
– Find awe and inspiration in nature, like the presence of big trees.
– Remember to breathe deeply and mindfully to center yourself.
– Prioritize care and consideration in all your actions and decisions.
– Cherish connections with others, a lesson highlighted by the isolation experienced during COVID-19.
– Delight in the little things and maintain a grateful disposition.
– Explore psychedelic experiences in safe, controlled environments for personal growth.
– Recognize that emotions are subjective and valid, even when they differ from others’.
– Find joy in life’s simple pleasures and maintain a sense of wonder.
– Use mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on your breath, to stay present.
– Seek solace and rejuvenation in natural settings like the woods or the beach.
– Embrace the philosophy that happiness comes from appreciating what you already have.
– Understand that happiness is an active choice and requires effort, similar to pursuing a profession.
– Happiness often lies in close relationships and simple, home-based joys.
– Cultivate a healthy mind and body as they are interconnected.
– It’s okay to not always be okay; allow yourself grace and understanding.
– Initiate by acknowledging your feelings; understanding can follow.
– Keep a gratitude journal to regularly reflect on and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.
– Learn and practice deep breathing techniques for significant benefits to mental and physical health.
– Empathize with others by considering how you would feel in their situation.
– Love and accept yourself as you are.
– Incorporate rest and relaxation into your daily routine to prevent burnout.
– Regularly note or acknowledge something good in your day to foster positivity.
– Pay attention to the present moment and fully engage with your experiences.
– Understand that humor and resilience can exist even in the darkest times.
– Remain adaptable in your methods while staying focused on your goals.
– Accept that silence can be a powerful and peaceful state.
– Prioritize sleep hygiene for overall health and well-being.
– When faced with decisions, “sleeping on it” can provide clarity.
– Smile more; it can positively affect your mood and those around you.
– Move beyond self-pity to take action and improve your situation.
– Dedicate time for gratitude to enhance your outlook on life.
– Practice reflecting on what you’re thankful for, what you’ve achieved, and planning for the future to maintain a positive mindset.
– Take moments to appreciate your fortune and practice gratitude.
– Recognize the importance of taking breaks to prevent burnout.
– Discuss your stresses and pressures with trusted friends for support.
– Be thankful for essentials like food, shelter, friends, and health.
– Take care of yourself, as you are your most important responsibility.
– Consider therapy to improve listening skills, attention, and problem-solving approaches.
– Always seek out reasons to be grateful in your life.
– Avoid comparing yourself to others to maintain self-esteem and happiness.
– Don’t overcomplicate things; simplicity often leads to clarity.
– Steer clear of stressful people and situations whenever possible.
– Focus on achieving your own goals, not living up to others’ expectations.
– Worry less about others’ opinions and more about your own values and happiness.
– Practice yoga daily for physical and mental health benefits.
– Remember, it’s okay to change your mind and take a different path.
– Follow your own journey, and remember it’s never too late to alter your course.
– Recognize the importance of community and seeking support from others.
– Practice self-kindness, understanding that self-awareness can be deepened through experiences like using psychedelic substances for personal insight.
– Regularly check in with yourself and practice self-kindness.
– Embrace the challenge of addressing difficult questions through counseling for personal growth.
– Dream big and work towards making those dreams a reality, regardless of societal expectations.
– Take pride in your talents and accomplishments.
– Commit to lifelong learning and growth.
– Focus on progress, not perfection, and understand that stagnation is the antithesis of growth.
– Accept change as a natural part of life, and understand that anticipation is often worse than the change itself.
– Tackle reality pragmatically, choosing battles wisely.
– It’s never too late to learn something new or change direction in life.
– Stay flexible and creative in achieving your desires.
– Understand that opportunities are never truly lost until you decide to stop pursuing them.
– Adaptability is key to overcoming obstacles and achieving goals.
– Act with integrity and honesty in all endeavors.
– Communicate openly, manage expectations, and address issues promptly.
– Recognize that compromise can be more beneficial than losing entirely.
– Listen actively to others’ stories to develop trust, respect, and a basis for negotiation.
– Consider the needs and desires of the opposing side in any negotiation.
– Avoid overthinking; sometimes the best way to begin is simply to start.
– When decision-making becomes a source of stress, consider selecting an option at random to move forward.
– Assessing the exact amount of information needed for a decision can be challenging; use your best judgment.
– Make decisions and learn from each one; it’s okay to make mistakes.
– In problem-solving, sometimes you must choose the least adverse option, especially when faced with consistently difficult situations.
– Let your intuition guide you in making decisions and solving problems.
– Remember, at their core, all people share commonalities.
– Broaden your perspective by reading extensively, especially works from other cultures and viewpoints.
– Regularly step out of your comfort zone to experience new activities and ideas with friends.
– Try to understand situations from another person’s viewpoint.
– Avoid categorizing people as “other” to foster inclusivity and understanding.
– Embrace travel as a means to gain new experiences and insights.
– Contribute to others when you can, whether financially or through time and advocacy, depending on your capabilities.
– Implement the principle of paying it forward in your interactions.
– Embrace unexpected affirmations, such as a stranger recognizing a talent you doubted in yourself.
– Dedicate time to creative activities regularly, experimenting with various crafts or hobbies.
– Prioritize enjoyment in your activities; if you’re not having fun, reassess what you’re doing.
– Listen to your inner voice; often, your true desires and feelings are waiting to be acknowledged.
– Try to separate financial needs from your creative pursuits to maintain the joy and fulfillment they bring.

 Parenting and family life

– Actively express your love to those important to you.
– Embrace each moment with joy, presence, listening, respect, communication, and love, even when it feels as challenging as alpine climbing.
– Acknowledge that life’s challenges are temporary, and with time, you’ll reflect on difficult periods with a smile.
– Prioritize spending time with your family above all else.
– Remember that no one is perfect in their actions or decisions.
– Focus on being attentive and meeting your children’s immediate needs instead of trying to predict them.
– Manage anger towards your children with the same patience and respect you would afford a colleague or friend.
– Understand that your role is not to be your child’s best friend, but to guide and support them as a parent.

Relationships

– Always be kind and recognize that everyone is doing their best, just like you.
– Approach dating with an open mind, without being overly attached to the outcome. Appreciate the unique aspects of each individual you meet.
– Depersonalize conflicts by expressing how actions or words made you feel, rather than assigning blame.
– Stand your ground and don’t tolerate disrespectful behavior from others.
– Practice empathy by trying to understand and share the feelings of others.
– Give of yourself and listen attentively to others.
– Engage in difficult conversations to resolve issues rather than allowing resentment to build.
– Sometimes, opt for kindness over blunt honesty to maintain harmony in relationships.
– If someone is upset, ask them how you can help in a way that would be meaningful to them.
– In conflicts, remember it’s both of you against the problem, not against each other.
– Remain authentic and genuine in all your interactions.
– Learn to apologize when necessary, establish clear boundaries, and respect those boundaries in all your relationships.
– Listen actively and make an effort to truly understand what others are communicating.
– Cultivate a relationship where both giving and listening are reciprocal.
– Consider the benefits of marrying someone who is also your best friend for a strong, supportive partnership.
– Resolve arguments before going to bed to avoid lingering resentments.
– Understand that happiness comes from within and cannot be solely provided by another person.
– Pay close attention to the needs and feelings of those around you.
– Prioritize relationships over material possessions, valuing human connections above all else.
– Recognize when it’s healthier to walk away from a situation that no longer serves your well-being.
– Pause and take a deep breath before speaking, especially in moments of frustration or anger.
– Apply the Golden Rule by treating others as you would want to be treated yourself.
– Try to understand your partner’s perspective during disagreements to foster empathy and understanding.
– Use “I” statements in discussions to express your feelings without placing blame on the other person.
– Heed Maya Angelou’s advice: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
– When you’re annoyed with someone, counteract your frustration by doing something kind for them.

Alcohol

– Recognize that alcohol is a depressant and can negatively affect your mood.
– Be aware that alcohol consumption can lead to brain shrinkage over time.
– Practice moderation in all things, including alcohol consumption.
– Enjoy alcohol responsibly, but remain conscious of its potential to dominate your life.
– Hydrate with a glass of water or juice after every couple of drinks during extended sessions, such as at weddings.
– Opt to consume alcohol only with food and in the company of others.
– Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to have just one drink or none at all.
– Learn to distinguish between genuinely wanting a drink and feeling socially compelled to have one. Keep a preferred non-alcoholic alternative handy.
– Consider the benefits of not consuming alcohol.
– Prioritize quality over quantity when choosing to drink.
– Reflect on personal experiences with alcohol. For example, since stopping drinking, one might realize that the appeal often stemmed from the social aspect and the natural fatigue from spending extended time with friends, rather than the alcohol itself.

I then asked ChatGPT to process all of your suggestions and come up with some over-arching themes and suggestions from within all of them…

The self-help tips shared throughout this chat thread encompass a broad range of themes focused on improving one’s well-being, relationships, and lifestyle. The key themes covered include:

1. **Mindfulness and Self-Reflection**:
– Emphasizing the importance of being present, appreciating small joys, and practicing gratitude.
– Encouraging self-reflection to understand personal wants and needs, distinct from societal expectations or pressures.

2. **Health and Wellness**:
– Advocating for physical health through habits like cold showers, reduced meat consumption, and deep breathing.
– Highlighting the mental health benefits of decluttering, engaging in creative pursuits, and avoiding overconsumption of alcohol.

3. **Relationships and Social Interactions**:
– Stressing the importance of empathy, honesty, and open communication in building and maintaining healthy relationships.
– Suggesting practical advice for managing conflicts and enhancing connections with others, including family, friends, and partners.

4. **Personal Growth and Habit Formation**:
– Recommending strategies for setting and achieving goals, such as breaking them down into smaller steps and focusing on process over outcomes.
– Promoting the development of positive habits and the mindful introduction of changes to one’s lifestyle.

5. **Lifestyle Choices and Consumption**:
– Advising on mindful consumption, whether related to material possessions, digital device usage, or alcohol.
– Encouraging environmentally conscious and minimalistic living to reduce personal and ecological footprints.

6. **Financial and Career Advice**:
– Offering guidance on financial planning, investing, and prioritizing security and personal fulfillment in career choices.
– Emphasizing the importance of education, continuous learning, and being adaptable in one’s career path.

7. **Resilience and Coping Strategies**:
– Acknowledging the challenges and setbacks inherent in life, with a focus on resilience, adaptability, and finding joy in adversity.
– Providing strategies for coping with stress and anxiety, such as seeking creative outlets, fostering social connections, and prioritizing self-care.

Overall, the shared tips from your blog’s readers suggest a holistic approach to self-improvement, covering a wide spectrum of human experiences and emphasizing balance, mindfulness, and the importance of nurturing one’s mental, physical, and emotional health.

I then asked ChatGPT to offer its own self-help suggestions based upon what it had learned from you guys…

### 1. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection

– **Start a daily journal**: Dedicate time each day to write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to enhance self-awareness.
– **Practice meditation**: Begin or end your day with a meditation session to cultivate mindfulness and presence.
– **Set daily intentions**: Every morning, decide on a positive intention or focus for the day to guide your actions and thoughts.
– **Reflect on your day**: Spend a few minutes each evening reflecting on what went well, what you learned, and how you felt throughout the day.
– **Engage in solo activities**: Allocate time for activities you can do alone, such as reading, walking, or crafting, to enjoy moments of solitude and introspection.

### 2. Health and Wellness

– **Incorporate physical activity**: Make a habit of engaging in at least 30 minutes of physical activity every day, whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or a workout session.
– **Prioritize sleep**: Establish a consistent bedtime routine and aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.
– **Eat a balanced diet**: Focus on consuming a variety of whole foods, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
– **Stay hydrated**: Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day to maintain hydration and support overall health.
– **Take regular breaks**: Ensure you take short breaks throughout your day to rest your mind and avoid burnout.

### 3. Relationships and Social Interactions

– **Communicate openly**: Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully in your relationships.
– **Show appreciation**: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation towards the people in your life.
– **Listen actively**: When conversing with others, give them your full attention and listen to understand, not just to respond.
– **Schedule quality time**: Make intentional efforts to spend quality time with family and friends.
– **Resolve conflicts constructively**: Approach disagreements with a calm and open mind, focusing on finding mutually beneficial solutions.

### 4. Personal Growth and Habit Formation

– **Set SMART goals**: Ensure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
– **Break goals into actionable steps**: Divide each goal into smaller, manageable tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
– **Celebrate small victories**: Acknowledge and celebrate each step you complete towards your larger goals.
– **Find an accountability partner**: Share your goals with a friend or family member who can help keep you motivated and on track.
– **Adopt a growth mindset**: View challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than obstacles.

### 5. Lifestyle Choices and Consumption

– **Practice minimalism**: Regularly declutter your space and donate items you no longer use or need.
– **Limit screen time**: Set boundaries for your use of digital devices, especially an hour before bedtime.
– **Shop intentionally**: Before making a purchase, consider if it’s something you truly need and will use.
– **Reduce waste**: Opt for reusable products over single-use ones and recycle whenever possible.
– **Support sustainable and ethical brands**: When shopping, choose products from companies that prioritize sustainability and ethical practices.

### 6. Financial and Career Advice

– **Create a budget**: Track your income and expenses to manage your finances effectively.
– **Invest in your education**: Seek out courses, workshops, or books that can enhance your skills and career prospects.
– **Build an emergency fund**: Aim to save at least three to six months’ worth of living expenses for unexpected situations.
– **Network**: Connect with professionals in your field through events, social media, or professional organizations.
– **Seek feedback**: Regularly ask for feedback on your performance at work to identify areas for improvement and growth.

### 7. Resilience and Coping Strategies

– **Develop a support system**: Cultivate relationships with people who can provide emotional support and guidance.
– **Learn stress management techniques**: Explore methods like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness to manage stress effectively.
– **Set healthy boundaries**: Learn to say no to demands on your time and energy that exceed your capacity.
– **Seek professional help when needed**: Don’t hesitate to consult a therapist or counselor for additional support.
– **Focus on what you can control**: Direct your energy and efforts towards actions and decisions within your control, rather than worrying about external factors.